Photo by Leonardo Albiero, Dire Dogs Division, Italy.
A lot of the people in your life that you call your friends may actually be huge pieces of shit who are only interested in whining, soaking up your energy, wasting your time, and keeping you at their level.
You might call them your friends because you feel the need to have a group to fulfill certain basic requirements of man being what Aristotle called “a social animal.”
You might also keep them around because you have known them for a long time, or because you are currently unaware of how a real friendship should operate.
A real, healthy friendship is a wonderful thing to have. In the Norse poetic work “The Havamal,” it says the following about how a friendship is both won and sustained:
With raiment and arms shall friends gladden each other,
so has one proved oneself;
for friends last longest, if fate be fair
who give and give again.
To his friend a man should bear him as friend,
and gift for gift bestow,
laughter for laughter let him exchange,
but leasing pay for a lie.
To his friend a man should bear him as friend,
to him and a friend of his;
but let him beware that he be not the friend
of one who is friend to his foe.
Hast thou a friend whom thou trustest well,
from whom thou cravest good?
Share thy mind with him, gifts exchange with him,
fare to find him oft.
Young was I once, I walked alone,
and bewildered seemed in the way;
then I found me another and rich I thought me,
for man is the joy of man.
We can see here that they believed the best way to keep a friendship was with an exchange of gifts, a sharing of the mind, a frequency of time spent together, and a loyalty to the friendship at the expense of those on the outside of it.
I’d say this is a pretty good standard.
The key word here is EXCHANGE. Far too often, in both romantic and platonic relationships, one side provides the work, the other side benefits, and leaves the giver both embittered and drained, exhausted from the vampiric nature of the so-called friendship, marriage, whatever.
One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to keep a critical eye on our involvements with other people, and evaluate whether there is healthy exchange, or no give and all take. Identifying time wasters, energy vampires and the chronically negative and removing them from our lives with a simple “Fuck off, we’re done here,” is a freeing and stress-relieving action, and will make you a better person with a more fulfilling life.
The following is a list of characteristics often found in both friendships and romantic involvements that are unhealthy and should be terminated with extreme prejudice:
They just want to “hang out.”
Hanging out is the province of the unmotivated, the great social pastime of the underachiever. If all your friends want to do is hang out, especially if that hanging out always involves alcohol or drug use, TV or movies, they are more than likely one of these.
Good relationships are based around mutual interest and being allies in conflict. If your friends aren’t interested in lifting weights with you, martial arts, hiking, camping, riding, getting out there and chasing down excitement, adventure and a better life- cut ’em loose. Find new friends at the gym, on the trail, through competition. They will better serve your long term plan than these shuffling cunts you’re hanging with now.
Chronically Negative.
Those who whine a lot deserve the worst things in life. If your friend or significant other is always bitching about things instead of stoically handling them or looking for ways to change them, give ’em the boot. This is not to say that a certain amount of healthy venting to a trusted pal is not ok- but there is a difference between the occasional venting and a constant onslaught of moping, whining, victimized bullshit. A “poor me” mentality is one of the most poisonous and exhausting things to be around. No time for this.
Loudmouths and Drama Queens.
People who are always starting shit, or bringing that shit into your life should be shaved, sterilized and destroyed. There are enough problems out there that you have to deal with without having that friend who always seems to either create more, or bring theirs into yours.
Identifying this type of blood sucking leech and burning them off of you will save you time, hassle, and maybe even your life! I have had friends in the past who were essentially just a liability. Everywhere I went, I had to worry about how drunk and stupid they would get, who they would make an enemy out of that I would have to help them deal with since I was “honor bound” as a friend to do so.
Fuck all that. You are honor bound as a man to remove these people from your sphere of existence and deal with your own on your terms.
Likewise, a female who is constantly creating and bringing drama to your doorstep like a stray cat with a dead baby bird? Ditch the bitch and move on with your life. These people feed on the sense of self importance they get from making themselves a tornado sweeping through the trailer park of life. Avoid.
The Perpetual Party-goer.
Habitual and constant drinking is one of the biggest wastes there is. I know firsthand just how destructive and useless of a habit this is. It kills your wallet, your brain cells, your liver, and your ability to enjoy yourself without it.
Friends who only want to be around when there is a party, or who are always trying to go to the bar are not friends. They are attempting to drag you into a mutual addiction because misery loves company. This goes for every type of drug use.
If you are going to party or drink, I am certainly not against this (far from it! No X’s on these hands yet!)- however, I force myself toearn it. Make sure if you’re going to crush that beer, you’ve crushed the gym all week, made progress in your training, had a good week of business or pursuing other positive endeavors. It will make the beer taste better, and you are less likely to engage in binge drinking because you know it is a hindrance to your goals.
A Quick Word on Romantic Relationships.
This topic should probably have its own article, but for brevity’s sake, I will just ask this:
Does your woman respect you, treat you like a god in public and private, subscribe to your values and make your life less stressful and more fulfilling?
If you cannot answer yes to every question, the only option is to cut her loose immediately.
The preceding questions, however, rely on the life you live. If you are not deserving of that treatment because you are weak, submissive, fat-bodied, directionless, broke and lazy, then she should’ve cut you loose a long time ago.
The only way to attract a solid female is to be solid. Instead of wasting time on Tinder and other degenerate dating sites, jerking off to porn and wishing you could find “a good woman,” take a long critical look at yourself. Are you worth a good goddamn? Why should any woman want to be with you? First, make yourself worthwhile. A good one will come along. It’s essentially the same as doing good business. If you are providing excellent content, customers will follow. If you are providing useless garbage, don’t expect your stock to go up.
Get out there and make something of yourself, and cut out the rot.
XCII
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